It's ice cream season again--like it ever stopped. Jeff and I live within walking distance of a Dairy Queen. It's also a restaurant that serves hamburgers, etc., as opposed to one of those seasonal, exclusively-ice cream shacks with an open window where you place your order. In case you're not familiar with the institution that is Dairy Queen, it's an American restaurant chain that offers soft-serve ice cream products, some of them involving high-maintenance mix-ins, waffle cones, or embarrassing names such as MooLatte.
My go-to order at Dairy Queen is very simple: small hot fudge sundae. I don't like the ice cream very much and often describe its flavor as WHITE, but I love the hot fudge. They never, ever seem to dole out enough fudge, wouldn't you agree? I've never eaten a small hot fudge sundae that made me say, "Ooh. WAY too much fudge on that one." In fact, I've been tempted to go up to the counter and demand a cup of just the fudge.
(Jeff is Milhouse.)
I mean, the ratio of ice cream to fudge is way off. Over the years I have developed a strategy to balance things out, at least during the last half of my eating time. I call it The Drill.
First, hold your spoon vertically, with the scoop end on the tip of the sundae. Slowly press down while rotating the spoon as if you were using a screwdriver. Your objective here is to hollow out the mountain of ice cream, eating it as you excavate. This is the dull part, as the ice cream tastes like WHITE, but you need to get it out of there, and you will be rewarded for your efforts.
Continue drilling your hole until you hit the bottom of the sundae cup. Bonus points if you have encountered no fudge cave-ins during this process.
Now you can eat the rest of the sundae. Notice how the ice cream-to-fudge ratio seems closer to correct than ever before!
I would also like to point out a big design flaw in the Dairy Queen sundae cup: those D-shaped indentations near the rim that do nothing more than trap fudge. For a restaurant whose fudge-dispensing practices are stingy at best, these indentations just seem cruel.
Ha! You are a better person than me. I have no patience for "the White stuff". I will eat a little bit with the fudge and then, being American and stuff, throw the rest away without eating it once the fudge runs out. No fudge no dice. Fortunately I can usually cute my way into more fudge than what most people get. One time I almost had too much fudge. Probably marked that down in a journal somewhere.
You hear O-Town has a DQ now? Seems like everything happened after I left. Like getting a cute little coffee shop. Watch, when I leave Rockford a factory will open or a crime will drop or something. That's right. It's all about me.
Posted by: Hil | February 19, 2011 at 03:14 PM
That third picture is just filthy.
Posted by: Melinda | February 19, 2011 at 08:32 PM
Funny. Reminds me of you writing about fun size Reeses and the peanut butter/chocolate ratio.
Posted by: Pam | February 20, 2011 at 08:03 PM
Hahahaa~~ I love posts like these! Good to know if in the near future I ever go to Dairy Queen
Posted by: J | February 21, 2011 at 02:57 PM
No fair. Now you're making me crave Dairy Queen, and while we have several within easy driving distance (one w/ an inside seating area like the one you describe), they don't open until Feb. 28!!!! Aaaaargh!!!!
Posted by: bj | February 21, 2011 at 05:08 PM
I propose you get your sundae with no fudge, do "the drill" and then request they fill the hole with your fudge allotment. That way, you lose no fudge on the outer edge. Will they think you are psycho? Yes, probably.. but I imagine that the DQ employee has eaten enough sundaes to understand the method to your madness.
Posted by: Janice | February 23, 2011 at 09:55 PM