Why is the week following a vacation
always so endless and stressful? Because this one has really outdone
itself. I have a sick cat requiring daily injections at the vet, a
grieving mother in-law, a command-performance student art show I had to
hang in an unfamiliar space the day I was told about it, and another
student display I had to cobble together from items that didn't make it
into the first show. Plus I also had to teach.
A week like this tends to inspire comfort cooking of the trashiest
kind. I am pleased to share my recipe for Poverty Pizza with you. The
ultimate P.P. is made with one of those boxed Chef Boy-Ar-Dee pizza
kits, where it's just sauce and a grainy sprinkle of cheese on top.
That, in my opinion, is the ultimate snack food. But if you want to actually try to make a meal, here's a slightly fancier version.
INGREDIENTS
- 1 packet of just-add-water pizza crust mix, such as Betty Crocker
- 1/2 C warm water
- a drizzle of olive oil
- Contadina or a similarly cheap brand of pizza sqauce, preferably in a squeeze bottle
- an abundance of mozzarella cheese
- about half an abundance of Parmesan cheese
OPTIONAL TOPPINGS
- leftover ham
- ooh: we have mushrooms
- those jarred banana peppers Jeff likes
- Italian seasoning (if you can be bothered)
- other leftovers you think would be good on a pizza, but don't lose your mind here--the main idea behind poverty pizza is bare-bones, no-frills poverty. Somehow, the pizza tastes best with just sauce and Parmesan cheese, or better yet, "Parmesan cheese."
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 425.
Combine the crust mix with the warm water and stir until it makes
a ball. Drizzle olive oil over the top, then flip the ball of dough
over and roll it around to prevent it from sticking. I'm not 100% sure
you have to do this, but I have a cool olive oil dispenser that I like
to use. Cover with a towel and put in a warm (or at least not cold)
place for about 5 minutes.
Meanwhile, prepare a cookie sheet or pizza pan with cooking spray and round up whatever you're using for toppings.
Uncover dough: it should be a little less dry and slightly more
voluptuous. Pat it out on the cookie sheet in a circular or oblong
shape. It may want to fight you and try to shrink back to the center, but I
guess you'll just have to fight it back, now, won't you? Show it who's
boss...lousy poverty pizza.
Squirt on some sauce and spread it around with a knife, spoon,
finger, etc. Top with meat/vegetables, if using, and mozzarella, if
using, and definitely Parmesan cheese. This should be any
approximation of Parmesan cheese you have except for Parmigiano Reggiano, which
at $11 for a small wedge kind of defeats the whole aesthetic of POVERTY.
Sprinkle on Italian seasoning if you like.
Bake for approximately 14 minutes. I used to make this so often
that I could pop it in the oven, take a shower, and hear the timer go
off as I wrapped a towel around myself. I would eat it on the couch
while watching television, my hair dripping wet. But now that I'm a
Respectable Married Woman, this habit has dropped way off.
[Above: as I sliced the leftover mushrooms, I admired how much they resembled the capitals of ionic columns.]
Comments