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April 24, 2009


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Accepting this plurality (or, since I am a licensed English Major, asingularity) is difficult and transformational. Without that acceptance it would be difficult to achieve the humanity and deep empathy evinced by your post.

I wish I had spent more time with Nicole, but I squandered those opportunities. I console myself with the knowledge that my loss simply gave her more time alone with Jeff.

Life is often hard...but things can be hard and sweet at the same time. The hardship Jeff and Nicole had couldn't outweigh the joy.

May the same be true for you...go mbeadh na croithe a bhfuil gra agat doibh bheith fior.


Thank you for reading and commenting, K!

I can't imagine a more beautiful morning: windows open, goldfinches and indigo buntings in the back yard, trees in bloom, no particular place to go, and Jeff soaking it all up with me. I don't take a second of this for granted.


What a beautiful post Kelly.


Hi Kelly ~
I found your blog through your sister and have read many of your posts...I plan on getting through the rest soon.

This one was so sweet, I got a limp in my throat when I read it. Your love for Jeff is apparent and your respect for Nicole is heartfelt - what a classy lady you are!

You have yourself a new loyal reader....


My current husband is jealous of a man I was engaged to back in '92 :(
Your acceptance of your husband's past relationship with Nicole is such a blessing for him and for you. It allows you both to have even more space to love each other. It allows him to be free to remember her at times without feeling a hard knot of guilt or "hiding." That's how I see it based on my own experience. I loved how you wrote about your "sorority." It was really touching and actually helpful for me :)


Wow, Dana, I had no idea that this might help someone. :) I was a little dubious about dating a widower at first, but Jeff has been amazing since day one. I am so happy we're together. Best decision I've ever made.


Wow you are a really accepting and understanding person. I think it's really beautiful that you and Jeff have such a strong relationship. I think if I were in your place I'd be kind of creeped out by Nicole's stuff. I mean I get it that they loved each other and I wouldn't necessarily say to throw the stuff away, but you know maybe put it away or something. Anyway this is an old post so now that you're married I'm sure things might have changed. Something like this probably takes time and a strong dedicated relationship. Anyway I really like your blog it's really interesting and I love all the recipes.

Joy Corcoran

My good friend Kristen Dean-Grossman sent me a link to this post. She thought it would resonate with me since I just posted a similar one about accepting a late beloved wife and marrying a widower. I am moved by your story and must again appreciate the use of the word "sorority" What great insights you have. I'm looking forward to exploring more of your blog. Many Thanks!

Kelly Eddington

Thank you, Joy (and Kristen!). :)

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