My big decision

As the 2009-2010 school year comes to a close, I want to announce my good news.  This has been in the works since about October, but I didn't want to write about it until now because...I don't know, maybe I didn't want to jinx it. 

I am taking a year-long sabbatical from teaching to paint starting in just a few days. 

!!!!  

I can't even begin to tell you how joyful I am about this.  It's all happening.

Let's back up, though.  One morning last fall I was at my desk at school, feeling low and missing my summertime painting life.  Going back to school is always a bit heartbreaking for me.  Try as I might to paint during the school year, I rarely get a chance to do it for more than an hour or two at a time.  I'm one of those painters who needs stretches of at least five consecutive hours to feel like I'm accomplishing anything.  It's just the way I work.  I completed the following watercolors during the past nine months, thanks to snow days and school lulls such as parent-teacher conference nights (during which time I see about five parents over nearly seven hours).

...but I always think about the pictures I don't get to paint due to the demands of the school year.

Anyway, I was cleaning out a desk drawer when I found a copy of my contract.  Bitter, I flipped to the part that describes maternity leave to see how much time off a teacher at my school gets when she has a baby.  When I was single, I secretly envied colleagues who were able to leave the profession at least temporarily for reproductive purposes while I continued to toil in the educational vineyard--no, educational coal mine--without a break, even if it was to force bowling ball-sized creatures through their bodies.  I've got to admit that it sounded like a refreshing change of pace.

Jeff and I are unable to have children.  I haven't written about this on my blog before, as it's such a private matter, but I knew this going into our relationship.  I mourned the fact that I would not get to be a mother, but even in the first few days of knowing Jeff, I knew that he was simply the one for me, and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.  People who have read this blog at all know how much I love him and how happy we are together.  It's truly a beautiful life.

But back to my story.  Breeders, I thought darkly, locating the maternity leave section.  Always getting the breaks, while I... Beneath the maternity/sick leave sections was something I had never noticed before (because who really reads their 84-page contract cover to cover?).  It was something called Professional Growth Leave, and in a nutshell it said that a teacher who had taught in the district for five consecutive years could take a year off to pursue professional activities related to his or her profession.  This would be without pay, without insurance, and without anything but the promise that after the year was over, the teacher could come back and teach.  I discussed this with Jeff, who was all for it.  He is truly my champion.  I jumped through the necessary hoops, a lengthy process that culminated in me getting the OK from the school board and helping my principal find a replacement for me (Carmen, who is young, adorable, and raring to go). 

At the request of my principal, I kept this exciting development a secret from my students until March.  That was difficult, but he did not want my future absence to disrupt the enrollment process for next year's classes, and I saw his point.  When I did tell them, I received the hoped-for gasps and exclamations of "but we'll MISS YOU" along with a lot of well-wishes.  My students have always been wonderfully supportive of my artwork and seem genuinely happy for me.  They also expect me to pop in and check on them from time to time, and they wanted my assurance that there will indeed be a Fine Arts Festival next year.  You will have one, kids.

Naturally, when all of this happened, faculty tongues reportedly began wagging regarding this leave of mine.  Apparently hardly anyone takes Professional Growth Leave--I assume that, like me, no one really knew it existed.  I am one of two or three people who have ever taken it, according to my superintendent.  "I think we had a guidance counselor go off to live in some kinda commune about a decade ago," he told me, trailing off.  It also involves a hefty financial hit that most teachers are unable to take.  Before I met Jeff, I couldn't have done this even if wanted to, and I have thanked him every day for making this happen for me.  Nevertheless, I am sure that some of my colleagues must think that this leave is a crafty, cushy way for me to have a baby along with a year of some occasional, so-what painting.  I have never explained to them that we can't have kids--frankly, it's nobody's business, and I wish people could simply take me at my word when I say I want to paint.  Maybe they can't imagine that a person would want to sit and arrange pigment suspended in water on paper all day, every day.  

But I want to do that, and it's going to be glorious.

Comments

[Jeff Carroll]

Gladys the Groovy Mule better watch her back now. I love you Pup!

[GinaE]

Congrats Kelly on taking this leap! You deserve it after so many years of teaching. I am at a cross roads myself, looking to do something just like this. Office work for so many years, and always wanting to have a block of time for my creative passion instead. I raise my wine glass to you...Cheers. Enjoy!!

[Kelley]

I am extremely very supersized happy for you!

K

[Emma]

Congrats! I'm sure you'll get some absolutely stunning things done.

[Donna]

That is fantastic!! Hip hip horray!! I'm so happy for you! Just out of curiosity, have you ever considered offering lessons in watercolor painting as an alternative career path? Here's a random thought, perhaps you can use Youtube as a media to teach mini lessons in painting or art related subjects.

[Tassoula Kokkoris]

I admire you so much for doing this, and for that post you read up there. I'm also now saving up for a Kelly painting! ;)

[Anna]

Congratulations on this decision. You will flourish and find a new lease on life, coupled with the copious amounts of time you will have to your painting.

I completely understand your issues regarding not being able to have children...and you are right...it is nobody's business. It is so hard sometimes to bear the thought of never being able to have kids...but somehow, we resign outselves to this fact.

You will have a wonderful time. I'm envious! I contemplating a year's leave (with pay) by working at 80 percent of my salary for the next four years and on the fifth year, take a glorious leave. I'm hoping to get the paper work done during the next school year.

Have fun.

[Shayla]

Aw, that's so exciting! I can't wait to see all the beautiful things you paint - hopefully you'll share :)

[Gina]

What a wonderful idea, and you're so lucky you can do this! You seem to have a wonderful family (kitties included)....enjoy your year, and happy painting....maybe you can update your blog even more...I enjoy reading it so much, it's the first one I check for updates :-)

[bj]

Great news about your sabbatical. I have one every five-six years per contract. They're great and very productive.
Regarding children, they are better than cats (and even woodchuck babies.;-) From reading your blog, I've always thought you'd make a great mom!!! It's none of my business, as I don't know you at all (just adore your blog), but, have you and Jeff considered adoption?

[Caroline]

This is the best thing!

Also, my mom was impressed that your school even offers this program.

[Kelly]

Wow, thank you for the words of support, everybody! <3 I'm super excited about this.

bj, obviously anyone who can't have a child but wants one considers adoption. I didn't want to go into it above, as it is indeed nobody's business, but if you really want to know...I'm not one of those women who is dying for a baby, any baby. Ultimately I wanted Jeff's baby. Since the thought of anything else seemed like a compromise to me, I figured I just shouldn't pursue it. Also being a teacher of 4000+ children for 17 years kind of cured any need I had to be around children. When Poof learned that I won't be a mother, she immediately told Mom that we should share her. <3

I'd just like to say that just because a woman can't or chooses not to have children, it doesn't make her any less of a woman. I am blissfully happy with my husband, my cats, and yes, my chuckies.

[bj]

Kellie, my suggestion that you consider adoption was NOT a judgement on your life choices or the quality of your "womanliness"; just a thought born of 1)as I mention, lack of knowledge of your journey w/ Jeff, as I don't know you and 2)the opinion, gleaned from your blog only, that you seem like you'd make a good mom, should you choose that path at any time, in a manner of your choice.
In my profession, I have many colleagues who are in non-traditional partnerships, are not parents by choice, are first-time parents in their fourties and beyond--whether by nature, medical assistance, or adoption--or are same-sex parents
So, while you don't know me either, now perhaps you'll understand the context of my comment--that you'd make a good mom--as simply that: you seem like you'd make a good mom whatever your life path or relationship circumstance.

[Kelly]

Thanks for saying that, bj. I'm pretty sure I would make a good mom, too. :) I'm just kind of defensive/sensitive about the "have you considered adoption?" question.

[stateless]

kelly, this is beautiful. i am so happy for you.